We took the boat out of Dana Point Harbor for an afternoon fishing run — halibut and sculpin already on deck. But the sun and wind had other plans. My face was protected, but my eyes? Bloodshot from UV and gale-force disrespect.

That was it. I said, “I’m making shades for real people who actually go outside.” People with mullets. People with calluses. People who know how to bleed a fish.

I wanted polarized lenses. Solid side shields. Safety certification. Sunglasses that don’t make you look like your step-grandpa’s retired magician buddy.

Enter: The Battlestar Gnarlacticas.

Built for speed, shade, and performance. Designed for real-world wind tunnels, not indoor pickleball courts. They don’t fog. They don’t slip. And yes — they’ll 100% make your mullet grow faster. (That part’s not scientifically proven. Yet.)

Most importantly, they won’t cost you $200 like those other overhyped tactical clown goggles.

Slap these on your face and go shred something.